Through Many Trials Come Blessings Ten Fold

I haven't posted anything on this for a very long time. Life got hard, i had a miscarriage, Matt and I just couldn't seem to be able to pull our marriage together, kind of just coming unraveled at the seems. When i got pregnant in late November of 2011 it was a huge shock and surprise because not only had we been trying for over a year to get pregnant and i had really come to the conclusion that i would never have another baby, i wasn't happy in my physical or spiritual life. I didn't know what i was going to do. I felt like such an inadequate mother and wife already how was I going to be able to be a mother to another beautiful soul straight from heaven. It's almost like i didn't feel worthy of such a blessing because i had just given up on hope. What is life without hope? I don't think there is. My new hope was this blessing of a baby, growing inside of my body. I could keep her safe and protected for at least nine months from the nastiness and temptations of the world in which we live. From the beginning of the pregnancy I was so nervous. After having a miscarriage and feeling like i had done something wrong and made it so that that baby could not survive in my body. I wanted to make sure this time i was as healthy as possible and didn't do anything that would or could cause stress or damage to my unborn baby. I ate healthy (for like 90% percent of the time). I would cry on the way to the gym everyday. I loved to work out before i was pregnant, but now having three kids in school and daily life and stress it was hard to muster strength and energy to go to the gym. I knew i needed to beyond my lack of desire to help keep this baby healthy and strong. Things didn't seem to get better however between Matt and I. Our selfishness towards our own wants and desires increased so much and we fought daily. Not caring how it made each other feel or the girls feel. Our home had a sad feel to it. I really couldn't understand why if i was trying to be the best mom i could be, trying so hard to make sure this baby growing inside of me got the best care possible. I prayed each night and would read my scriptures on occasion. I didn't realize i was lacking so much. I had finally come to the decision that it was time for Matt and I's marriage to come to a close about a week before our daughter was born. He has always been such an amazing daddy to our sweet girls and it crushed me to think of how I would be able to break such news to them. I just couldn't do the bickering and fighting and the words that were exchanged. Then on August 2 2012, a miracle happened. Our daughter was born. She was beautiful. 6 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long. She had dark brown hair and even darker brown eyes. She did something truly angelic that day. She brought with her into this world Hope, Charity, Love, Patients, Desire to Serve, Faith. She brought a piece of heaven with her that was so small and simple but powerful enough to take the bands that Satan had so tightly bound her parents and loosened them enough for us to free ourselves, to look outside of our hardened hearts and hopeless spirits. To bring back our eternal desire of being together forever as husband and wife and eternal family. I find it so extremely humbling and encouraging that in our darkest hour of Satans power over us, Heavenly Father sent down an angel with enough of his spirit without Telaai even making a sound or moving a limb. The overwhelming spirit and love that we were able to feel is truly to indescribable. Our little family came together. The girls were able to see their mommy and daddy touch and kiss and laugh again. They were happier, we were happier. Through our little angel Telaai she came down here in such a sick and frail body for a grand purpose. To save her parents, to help us love again and to find that desire to get Sealed for Time and ALL Eternity so that we WILL be able to hold her in our arms once more and do it as a completed family in the celestial kingdom. What a blessing to have such a testimony and knowledge that even though our sweet baby chose to come here for only a very short amount of time to help teach and remember death is not the end. It is a continuation of  the Plan of Happiness. She came into this world so gracefully and passed just as graceful there is no denying that there is life after death. Matt and I have made it through the passing of our daughter together, our marriage isn't perfect but we have a reason behind being together now, and that is to be together forever with our children and their children. My testimony of Eternal Families is unbreakable. It is stronger than ever. I cry a lot. I hug my children so much tighter. I am doing the best of what i can with what i have. Heavenly Father and Telaai are at my side helping me. I have such a long way to go to accomplish my goals of being a better mom and wife. I'm so grateful for the patients and love of my girls and husband. I know that i will get to see our little miracle someday. What a blessing and privilege to have the life i thought i never wanted or imagined i could ever have.