Consistency

What is consistency? It can mean so many things to so many different types of people. My life has never been consistent. I have a tendency to want to spice life up, to throw curve balls and make my life and the life of my family more exciting. One definition of Consistency is " Logically ordered and/or following the same pattern". Okay, for those of you who know me and know how i live my life, that isn't me AT ALL!!! I try each day to make it to the gym and to keep myself healthy. I try so hard each day to clean my house, make sure everything is in it's proper place and not have dishes in the sink. To have my clothes cleaned and folded and put nicely into the exact spot from which they came. I try to be an avid reader of books and of my scriptures. To pray each night personally and with my family and husband. To visit Telaai's graveside more than once a week so that she knows how much i care for her and miss her dearly. Doesn't this just exhaust you reading it! Or maybe it doesn't because i know a lot of men and women who are totally capable of such consistency. I have been feeling this overwhelming burden of being the perfect wife, mother, daughter, friend. It has started to consume my mind and my spirit. I feel I just don't have enough time, or that what i do will be undone in two seconds or that people just don't appreciate how hard i really am working. But, how good i feel when amidst the kids screaming and running around the house, i finally get the dishes done that have been in the sink for two days. When i haven't had time or energy to workout for days and finally get the chance and just punch it out with all my might at the gym for the one hour i have to myself. When i stop and sit down with my sweet girls to just laugh for a minute and a lot of times cry with them because with a house full of girls we get on each others nerves. These are small accomplishments but they are consistent. Maybe not to other people's standards but for what has happened to our family in the last two months this is as consistent as it gets for now. Consistency is the key, it makes us better, it helps our kids and maybe even our husbands (Matt)feel happy and content and safe because they know what to expect, it may not happen that day or even the next and that is just fine. I want to be more consistent. I want to follow patterns that are organized and help make my life better. I want to have rituals on the birthday and passing dates of Telaai. I want to take time each week to spend individually with my girls, to hug them a little tighter and longer and to help them grow to their greatest potential. I want to be a better wife, to be more organized with cleaning and cooking. I am working on being healthy and fit not only for myself but for my family so they can know that i will be around for as much of their lives that i am able. I'm so grateful to have the chance and opportunity to have consistency in my life. It gives me a challenge that i have yet to accomplish but each day i seem to figure what in my life is the most important and what i'm going to do to make sure that everything I do is to the best of my ability.